So this whole Rick Ross spent $1 Million at KOD thing has drawn up a little bit of controversy. Some people think that the money could’ve gone to more worthy causes. Others think that there’s NO WAY POSSIBLE he spent a million dollars in one night at a strip club. And well, others try to justify ways that it could have been done. I ran into this hilarious thesis over at theBVX of how it was possible that Rick Ross spent seven-figures at King Of Diamonds and well…no comment. Just read.
How Rick Ross & Co. Spent $1 Million In a Strip Club (We Think)
by Jay Anderson
Rick Ross (Bawse!) recently celebrated his 40th, excuse us, 35th birthday. According to NBC Miami, Ross’ party at the Miami strip club King of Diamonds cost a cool one million dollars! Talk about Blowin’ Money Fast! We know what you’re thinking. Just how in the heck can you blow a million dollars at a strip club? We here at theBVX don’t have any definitive evidence, but here’s our best guess at how RAWSE and friends spend all that money:
1) Appearance fees for all of Ross’ celebrity “friends”
We hope you don’t think folks like Diddy, Busta Rhymes, and Pharrell just show up to parties for free. Of course they don’t. Most of these “friends” either got a fee for performing, or a simple appearance fee. Diddy’s going rate is roughly $80k. Assuming Diddy cut his Bugatti Boyz partner Ross a deal, you’re still looking at a nice chunk of change just to fly to Miami, sing Happy Birthday off-key, and mumble through a lazy performance of “Another One”. too far
2) Club Rental Fee
While King Of Diamonds reportedly offers a value priced lunch special for a cool $3, I’m thinking reserving the entire venue is gonna cost a bit more.
3) Video “Vixen” Appearance Fees
You can’t have your guests just gawking at plain ole’ garden variety strippers. You gonna bring in some well known ladies to keep the party goin’. We see you Keyshia Dior!. Make that money, don’t let that money make you.
4) Just For Men Beard Dye
You can’t look BAWSE with gray hairs.
5) Crisp Twenty Dollar Bills
Estimate: $250,000 (in fresh $20 dollar bills!)
Let’s face it, if you’re a guy who refers to himself as the Teflon Don, the you can’t make it rain with singles. Even if for purely “visual effect” (word to Pac Man Jones), crisp 20s and 100s were necessary. I’m guessing a trip to Bank of America was in order, and judging by the piles of money flying off that stage, there’s a good chance this cost Ross a grip.
Estimate: $75, or free if Floyd Mayweather isn’t busy.
Just sayin’. He has a small gang of kids and baby-mommas to go with them, it might have been his weekend to watche ’em.
7) Crisp White Tees
Estimate: Ten for $25 at the Carol City Flea Market
The BAWSE needs his in XXXXXL, and given his Patrick Ewing-esque tendency to sweat, would probably need a 10-pack before the night’s over.
Somebody’s gotta watch the door just in case the real “Freeway” Ricky Ross decided to show up. Yeah, we know, this guy’s sorta a joke for suing Bawse for copyright infringement, but never underestimate the gulliness of a desperate man. The Carol City Cartel couldn’t even make a decent album (that Custom Cars & Cycles joint went triple aluminum) so I’m assuming Bawse had to hire some undercover cops. They don’t come cheap.
9) Bawse Birthday Cake
Eff a red velvet cake. Order that custom goon cake. A man doesn’t turn 43, errr, 35 everyday. Man, is that gaudy or what?
10) Replacement ‘Dora the Explorer’ Chain For Yung Berg
You just know that thing got snatched before the night was over. One of the strippers might have even taken it.
11) Lap/Table/Private Dance Allowance For Guests
Estimate: Whatever’s left.
The ladies have to get paid, right? And no, we don’t think the “tip-drill-credit-card-through-the butt-cheeks-swipe” counts as a real transaction.
Please note: This article is satire and not written by The305.com. Just reposted. Take a joke.