Lebron Primer to help him adjust from Cleveland to Miami (New Times)

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Photo credit: ESPN

This is a pretty funny list of Cleveland vs. Miami equivalents to help Lebron transition from being an Ohio boy all his life…to now calling the 305 home. Courtesy of the New Times. Read on:

“Cleveland rocks”: “Welcome to Miami”

Polish: Cuban

Pasty whiteness: Orange luminescence

Love handles: Liposuction

Great Lakes six pack: Cocaine eight-ball

Home invasions: Ponzi schemes

Burning river: Oil spill

East Fourth: Calle Ocho

Sokolowski’s University Inn: Versailles Cafe

Pierogi: Empanada

Drew Carey: Gloria Estefan

Chicago: Havana

Empty factories: Empty condos

Crippling unemployment: Crippling unemployment

Depression: Delusion

Homers: Snowbirds

Moving to New York to succeed: Moving from New York to die

Corn hole: Bocce

Bone Thugs N’ Harmony: 2 Live Crew

Jim Brown: Don Shula

“The Q”: Uh, “Triple-A”?

Unconditional love with a side of unhealthy obsession: Extreme expectations with a side of apathy

Art Modell LeBron James: Fidel Castro

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